I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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