i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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