How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
