Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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