I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
