Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife ð¬
when your dumb AF ex âaccidentallyâ venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... âsorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
