Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
