UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
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She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
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My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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