My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
