i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
