5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm at about main and main street
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We are all done wearing pants today
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
