Buhtt sex?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
