1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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