So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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