I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
