i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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