Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
