Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
smell my finger.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
