Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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