Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
