Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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