It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
