how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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