If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
