Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
