I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
