Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
