Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
