wat bout pragnant strippers??
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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