Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
