So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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