just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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