I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
