Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
