Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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