Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
