I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
