I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
