don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
