I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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