allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize