we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
zippers are such a cool invention
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
