My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just sent this text using only my big toe
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
