So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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