Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
please come you make the beer taste better
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
