Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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