I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
