I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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