he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
