ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
