farters have to be the big spoon...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
