the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
