I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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