I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
