dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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