sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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