I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
