similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Your penis caused this!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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