So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
