She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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