you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
