need another drink. this is the easiest way
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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