This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
