$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
