I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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