So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
